


Can't Pretend

by Chaosprincess, SegaBarrett



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Hand Jobs, M/M, Oral Sex, Smut, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-22 19:03:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12488716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaosprincess/pseuds/Chaosprincess, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SegaBarrett/pseuds/SegaBarrett
Summary: Spoilers for 3x15/3x16 . Nick had been through hell and come out the other side beside Proctor John. The unlikely alliance comes with unexpected benefits...





	Can't Pretend

**Author's Note:**

> Credit for the majority of Troy Otto's and Proctor John's lines go to Segabarrett
> 
> (Spoilers)
> 
> This fanfiction is dedicated to the #SaveTroyOtto and #BringBackTroy campaign on fb, Twitter, and tumblr. 
> 
> If you feel that Troy Otto's story was incomplete, then we ask that you make your feelings known via social media and spread the word.
> 
> There is a petition to sign: https://www.change.org/p/amc-entertainment-bring-back-troy-otto
> 
> It's a long shot, but it's our only shot.

The world on fire was a familiar scene to Nick, reminding him of that fateful night that they’d fled the firebombing of LA. This time it was Nick that had done the firebombing. With cold eyes he surveyed the damage, the bodies skewed across the road, the blood on the walls and streets. There was no screaming now. There had been earlier, but there was no screaming now… So the screech of tires was unusually loud. Nick turned calmly to see the Proctor’s trucks arrive. 

Proctor John stepped out of the truck and took neat, quiet, steps forward, surveying the area. Nick met his cool gaze with a steely one of his own. 

“It’s done,” Nick said firmly.

Proctor John didn’t look entirely convinced. His mouth pinched slightly as he marched along the streets, soldiers in tow, looking for survivors. Nick didn’t bother following. He wasn’t obligated to. He knew what he had done. As the search dragged on, he folded his arms and gave an almost silent sigh, waiting for confirmation.

Proctor John was slow to approach him again. His expression had not changed. He did not look pleased. Nick remained unphased, used to this dance of theirs. 

“...Nicholas,” John said, almost reverently.

“Yes, Sir?” 

“You've been doing good work for me.”

Nick gave him a long look, and a slow blink. John wasn’t one to give compliments. He was a meticulous man, needing perfection and beauty in all things. He also knew damn well that Nick wasn’t interested in flattery.

“Thank you, Sir…” the young Clark replied warily.

“Would you like a reward?”

More suspicion. From John, a reward could be anything from being put in charge of a city, made viceroy as Strand once told him, or being shot in the head for your troubles.

“...You don't have to do that, Sir,” Nick said carefully.

“I'd like to,” John said, with a slight opening of his arms. 

Nick understood. It wasn’t really a question. 

“...thank you, Sir,” Nick accepted reluctantly.

“Would you like me to show you your reward?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Come with me,” John said, turning and getting back into his truck. “You'll see someone you recognize.”

Nick climbed into the seat next to John, but remained stoic at the words spoken. He had been dead inside for ages now. The fire in his heart had gone out, leaving only cold ashes where a lust for life had once flourished. It didn’t matter who John was talking about. The Nick Clark that had become a Proctor had no family, even if the other Clarks had survived the flood that had swept them away. If it was Daniel Salazar, the man had more reason to kill him than anyone… There’d be no joy to see each other now… after all they’d lost. And if it was Victor Strand, the last of Nick’s love for him had been given when he allowed the con man the chance to escape… The thought of seeing him now filled Nick with exhaustion more than anything, another life he’d failed to save.

They arrived at the Bazaar in the dead of night, but it was as busy as ever. Bright lights and loud music entranced all the newcomers. Nick couldn’t believe that he once thought this Hell was his paradise. Now everywhere he looked, he saw tall men with messy hair and impossibly blue eyes. He saw ghosts of the last person he’d ever truly love…

Nick had to stifle another sigh as Proctor John walked him down the hallways. At last they reached his bedroom, and Nick bit his lip to swallow the frustration of having to spend another night here, waxing poetic with the gang leader until they would roughly fuck and pass out. But when Proctor John opened the door, Nick quickly realized that this was not the case… 

He froze, gaping slightly, at the ghost made real before him. There, passed on John’s bed, was a tall messy-haired young man with a childish stubble of a beard sprinkled across his face. His head was bandaged, but not heavily, and from where Nick stood he could see no blood. Here… was Troy Otto...

Nick’s eyes widened, slightly horrified, as he turned to look at Proctor John. Apparently, this was desired reaction, as Proctor John offered a whimsical smile in return.

“Well then, go say hello to your little friend.”

Nick walked over stiffly, crouching beside the bed, checking to see if Troy was really breathing, or if maybe he'd turned. But instead of the rasp and snarl of a dead man’s breath, Nick only heard the soft wheeze of a snore. Troy’s chest was rising and falling slowly, and a small trail of drool slid down his cheek. Nick glanced again at Proctor John, disbelieving.

“We taped him up. Don't you want him? If you don't, we can…”

John unholstered his gun.

“No!” Nick shouted, covering Troy's body with his own. “I want to talk to him…”

Talking! As if that was all he wanted to do… Still Nick was hesitant, frightened, as he shook Troy’s shoulder gently. He felt so soft…

“Troy?”

Troy’s eyes slowly fluttered open. They were as bright and beautiful as Nick remembered. His expression was so gentle and pure.

“Troy…” Nick murmured again, stunned.

“Where am I?” Troy rasped, giving a slight cough.

“At the Bazaar…” Nick answered, too awed to reply in more than short bursts of honesty.

“....My head…” Troy groaned, reaching up for his wound.

“ ....I'm sorry….” Nick said, recoiling in pain.

“What happened?”

“My mom…” Nick said, swallowing thickly. “You were arguing, and she.... she hit your head with a hammer…”

“Worst migraine ever… Must have been a hell of a swing,” Troy replied with a grin and a dry laugh.

That was what did Nick in. Tears slid down his face and he covered his mouth with his hand to stifle a sob. 

“Whoa, whoa, hey….why are you crying, Nicky?”

“I'm sorry!”

“What are you sorry for? Did you take a swing at me too?”

“S'my fault…” Nick sobbed, words blurring together. “S'my fault.... you died, she killed you. It's my fault!”

“I’m not dead though,” Troy said, slowly struggling to sit up.

“No, no, no…” Nick said, backing up. “You have to rest…”

“I don't wanna rest…” Troy grumbled, sitting up anyway.

It was around this time that Proctor John decided it was time to remind them of his presence again. He walked up to the bed slowly.

“Now here’s a plot twist… Just how close are the two of you?”

“We... I…” Nick stuttered, glancing almost fearfully at Proctor John. “He's my friend…”

“Your friend…” Proctor John repeated, obviously disbelieving. “Okay.”

Nick glanced shyly at Troy through his tears, but their eyes met and he quickly looked away, crushed by the weight of his own grief and guilt. He had no right. He had no right to look at Troy Otto right now, to be anywhere near him. Not after what he and his family had done...

“Come on, fess up,” Proctor John said sharply.

Nick turned his attention back to Proctor John. He didn’t know what to think… how to feel... confused, scared, sad? Why hadn’t his initial answer been acceptable? It was the truth, wasn’t it?

“ I.... he's my _best_ friend.... my only one,” Nick clarified.

Troy had been sizing Proctor John but he broke away from that and peeked over his shoulder Nick.

“Nicky…” Troy said softly.

“I don't have friends that good, do I?” Proctor John asked. 

Nick curled in on himself, unsure of what to say. What would save Troy’s life? What did Proctor John want to hear? Because it wasn’t the truth… Nick was already telling the truth…

“I… I don't know... Sir…”

“You know you can't lie to me, boy.”

“I'm not lying!” Nick snapped, desperate.

“You look me in the eye and tell me you're not fuckin' this boy.”

Troy and Nick’s eyes stretched wide, both of them stunned by the accusation.

“No! No, we never....”

“You're sure now? I'm sure curious,” Proctor John persisted with a sly grin.

“I'm sure we've never....had sex,” Nick replied, still stunned that he had to explain this.

“Nicky...” Troy whispered.

Nick dared to look at him again, still pained but so obviously, hopelessly in love that neither of them could stand it. He was a liar. That look in Troy’s eyes made a liar out of him… 

“Why don't you show me just how much you wanna keep him?” Proctor John offered coyly, leaning against the bedpost and fiddling with his knife.

“ ....what?” Nick asked.

“You heard me,” Proctor John replied, spinning the point of the blade on his own thumb, just soft enough not to draw blood.

“ ...I... What do you want me to do....?” Nick asked.

“Put on a show for me,” John said, nonchalantly.

Nick was petrified. He couldn’t do this… not to Troy… Not in front of Proctor John. He could barely bring himself to accept what was between them when they were alone, let alone in front of…

“You want me to show you how...?” John asked.

“Please don't…” Nick pleaded pitifully. “Please don't do this…”

“Do what? What am I doing?” the older man asked.

“You want us to… but we’re not…”

“Hey Nicky…” Troy called, at last getting Nick to meet his eyes. “Come here.”

“But, Troy.... your head and…”

“Nicky... It's okay. Whatever he wants you to do to me,” Troy soothed with an almost whimsical smile. 

“...I don't want you to hurt…”

“Does it hurt?” Troy asked, genuinely curious.

“...I don't know... sometimes? Not with girls usually...but with guys....yeah...:”

“It's okay, Nicky. You can do it,” Troy urged. “Let’s do it… for science.”

Nick chuckled softly, despite himself, and inched his way forward, just barely within Troy’s reach.

Troy reached as far as he could, struggling to touch Nick's face.

Nick leaned into the feathery brush of Troy’s fingers and he shivered slightly, tempted to pull away again.

“Troy....?”

“Yes Nicky?” Troy whispered back.

“Do you really want to or.... are you just...?”

“I want to, Nicky!”Troy insisted, with a cheesy grin. “I’ve wanted to for a while now… That, and we might not have a choice. But don’t think too hard about it.”

His levity regarding the situation was contagious, bringing a faint smile to Nick’s lips as he drew nearer, sitting on the bed with Troy, and meeting his eyes shyly.

“Nicky... It's okay” Troy promised.

Nick leaned forward slowly, brushing their lips just barely.

Troy smiled even as he kissed back, pushing his lips harder against Nick’s, until the younger boy pulled away, fleeing the contact. Nick shivered and brushed noses with him, keeping their lips apart.

“Take me, Nick... need you,” Troy murmured.

Something inside of Nick broke. He leaned forward and kissed Troy again, more eagerly. He moaned as Troy grappled at his shirt, yanking it up and over Nick’s head. Nick moaned and pushed Troy onto his back, gently.

“Should you ask if he has any requests?” Troy asked, breath hitching slightly.

Proctor John smirked at the younger man’s sass. 

“...Do you, Sir?” Nick asked, seeming to at last remember himself and who’s presence he was in. 

“Play a little rough? He does have a head injury though - be careful.”

Nick froze up a bit, hesitant, before carefully yanking Troy’s shirt up. He winced as Troy yelped, even though the injured man smiled right after.

“Nick, I'm not glass,” Troy reminded him.

Rather than protest, Nick gently caressed his cheek.Troy leaned into Nick's hand. 

“I want you to touch me…”

Nick offered small sad smile. He would give anything for them to be in the privacy of their own room, maybe at the bazaar, maybe at the Otto house, maybe even in the truck while they were on their own. But they weren’t any of those places… they were right here with John. He gave a slow nod to Troy and reached down, roughly undoing Troy's pants and tugging them down with his boxers.

“So good!” Troy gasped, squirming as his cock sprung free.

Nick leaned down, kissing Troy's nipple wetly, before gingerly pinching it between his teeth, nibbling. Troy chuckled, his whole chest shaking beneath it. 

“That tickles Nicky…”

Nick grinned and licked it one final time before reaching down and running his fingers along Troy's cock.

“I wish it was just us…” Troy gasped, echoing Nick’s own remorse.

“I'm sorry I waited so long....I'm so sorry…” Nick apologized as he stroked Troy’s member. “We should have....at the ranch…”

“Why didn't you tell me sooner?”

“I didn't know... I mean... I felt it.... but I didn't know what this was....”

“And what is it?”

“Troy,” Nick muttered, stroking him harder. “I think..... I think it's…”

“...love?” Troy breathed, rocking into Nick’s hand.

Nick couldn’t answer, he was breathless just hearing it said aloud. Instead he gave a low whine in the back of his throat and nodded. Troy smiled up at him.

“Does he want you to hurt me?” Troy moaned, seeming to have forgotten all the earlier discussion.

“He...he does…” Nick replied hesitantly.

“You can…” Troy whispered.

“Troy…” 

“I trust you with my body, Nick... with my whole life.”

Nick caved hearing those words. He leaned down and sank his teeth into Troy’s shoulder before he could talk himself out of it. Troy writhed beneath him, moaning loudly.

“Fuck, Nick!” Troy hissed, but his back arched and his arm wrapped tightly around Nick’s shoulders, pulling him close.

Nick gripped Troy's cock harder, and licked the his bite mark.

“Feels tight,” Troy muttered, rocking his hips desperately to meet Nick’s hands. “I feel... I think I'm gonna…”

“Do it, Troy. It’s okay. Do it…” Nick urged, then before he could stop the words from pouring out of him he mumured in Troy’s ear. “I love you...I love you, Troy!

Troy bit his own lip hard as he came into Nick's hand

Nick held onto him, gently stroking Troy through his shivering mess of an orgasm.

“ ...is... is this good...Sir?” Nick asked.

“That's...acceptable,” Proctor John replied with a nod. “What was going through your mind while you were doing that?”

“ ...that I'm happy.... I'm so happy…” Nick replied, swallowing back more tears. “That I get to hold him... and touch him... I thought I'd never get to do that. Thank you, Sir.”

Troy reached up and hugged Nick tightly against him, until they were flush, chest to chest on the bed.

“Mine…” Troy said, loud and clear for Proctor John to hear.

“Will you be kind to your new pet, Nicholas?” Proctor John said, ignoring the older of the boys.

“I will be so kind…”

“And you'll be loyal to me for giving him back to you?”

“...I owe you my whole life right now... I won't ever leave you, Sir... I swear…” 

“Damn right you do. Now bring the pet home.”

Nick untangled himself from Troy’s arms and cleaned the last remaining Otto up with the already ruined sheets of the bed. Slowly he climbed off the bed.

“Come on, Troy…”

Troy groaned, as he finally got to his feet for the first time in God knows how long. He took Nick’s hand in his own. Nick helped him up and gathered their scattered clothing. He assumed that Proctor John didn’t have the patience for them to get properly dressed. So he tossed Troy his boxers and they had to make do with that.

“Make sure you get all your work done tomorrow,” Proctor John said sternly.

“I will sir…”

“You're dismissed.”

Nick led Troy into the hallway. He brought his finger to his lips so that Troy knew not to speak yet. Only after several turns through the winding passages did he stop and turn to face him.

“...Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

“No pain from you. Just my head,” Troy assured him.

Nick gave Troy a pained look, reaching up to gently brush his fingers against the headwound. Still no blood through the bandages. He wondered how it was healing. 

“I shouldn't have let her…” Nick murmured. “I shouldn't have told her... Troy, I'm so-”

“You didn't do it, Nicky.”

“I should have stopped her!” Nick snapped, angry with himself.

“You couldn't have known…” 

“I didn't protect you!” Nick said, voice fracturing like glass.

“You did! You did the best you could, Nicky! No one’s ever fought for me harder than you did!”

“Then why did you…” Nick trailed, words broken by a sob. 

“You couldn't have predicted it, Nicky… Don’t do this to yourself. I’m not mad at you. I never was,” Troy told him.

Nick wrapped arms around the older boy tightly.

“You love me…” Troy murmured softly.

“I love you so much…” Nick admitted at last, crying into the crook of Troy’s neck. “Don't leave…”

“I would never leave you…” Troy promised. “I’ll always come back for you, Nicky.”

Nick sniffed hard before bringing his head back up and angling it towards Troy’s lips, capturing them in a soft, needing, kiss. Troy kissed back reassuringly, so certain that nothing would ever part them again. Death itself had already failed.

“Can I stay with you forever and ever?” Troy panted when they broke their kiss at last. 

“You kind of don't have a choice now,” Nick said, with a sad smile. “Proctor John won't let anything happen to us.”

“Can we trust him?” Troy asked. “I mean, has he ever… hurt you?”

“After losing you… nothing could hurt me, Troy… He brought you back to me, and he didn’t have to… I’d lay down my life for him in a heartbeat right now.”

“Don’t do that, Nicky… We just got back together, okay? Don’t make me live without you.”

“I won’t…”

“That makes me happy,” Troy said with a smile.

“I want you to always be happy…” Nick murmured, leaning against him in exhaustion.

“If I'm with you, I always will be,” Troy answered, rubbing his nose against Nick’s. “It was a little scary, wasn't it?”

“It was very scary... my whole world ended... you're my world and you ended.... you went away…”

Troy chuckled, prompting Nick to look up sharply. 

“Not then…” Troy explained. “I meant when we had to... were you scared?”

“Oh that…” Nick said, blushing. He’d been so quick to judge. “Yeah, I was scared.... Were you?”

Troy shook his head.

“...did...did you like it?” Nick asked.

“I did... it felt good…”

“...do you want to do it again? Sometime?” 

“I'll do it whenever you want me to,” Troy replied with a coy smile. 

“Maybe after we clean you up…”

“Okay... My head... feels a little woozy.”

“...you probably need more water... and I need to find you some anti-seizure medicine.”

“I just want you near me,” Troy purred.

“Me being near you won't stop you from swallowing your tongue, Troy…” Nick scolded, but he hugged him all the same.

“It will if my tongue stays in your mouth.”

“Troy…?”

“I plan to keep it there,” Troy said with a devious grin.

Before Nick could protest at all, his back hit the wall of the hallway hard. Troy’s body pressed against him, pinning him down. Nick shuddered and gasped, pushing his hands against Troy’s chest weakly, not wanting to hurt him. He glanced both ways down the hall.

“Troy! Someone will see…”

“So? I mean we’ve already established that they like to watch,” Troy teased before leaning in and sliding his tongue into Nick's mouth.

Nick moaned loudly against Troy’s lips, and arched his back slightly as he kissed back. His own tongue brushed shyly against Troy's, letting the older boy take the lead. Troy, in turn, rubbed his nose against Nick's and deepened their kiss, pressing his tongue in with a little more force. Unable to even pretend to resist, Nick brought his leg up, bracing it against Troy’s side. Then he laced his fingers into Troy’s thick head of hair, careful of his bandages as he ran his hand down Troy’s neck. Troy leaned in further, seizing the opening to press their crotches firmly together. The burst of pleasure forced Nick to come up for air.

“Troy....Troy…” Nick panted, gripping the older boy’s his neck firmly. “I think.... I think I want…”

“You want me to take you, Nicky?”

Nick blushed hard, but he couldn’t deny his feelings any longer. He’d waited too long already.

“Yes!” 

“Let’s do it then…”

“My room...now…” Nick hissed, kissing Troy’s lips briefly before dragging him the rest of the way to his bedroom, which was hardly more than a closet with an unmade bed*

“This is where we live?” Troy asked with a laugh.

“...Yeah… it’s… it’s not really made for two…”

“It’s okay, Nicky. It just brings us closer…”

“Troy....” Nick murmured, a little impatient.

He reached up and wrapped an arm around Troy’s neck, pulling him down onto the bed with him. Troy nuzzled up against Nick’s neck, mouthing hungrily against it and delighting as Nick moaned and squirmed until Troy was neatly fitted between his legs.

“What should I do…?”

“Troy…? Have you never…?”

Troy shook his head.

“Never even kissed until now…”

“Oh Troy....” Nick muttered, pulling back slightly. “We shouldn't…”

“Why not? ...You don't think I'm...?”

“ What...? No...I...I want you, I just... this is your first time and we don't have any.... and I want you to like it....”

“I will… How do I do it, Nicky… tell me. I’ll be good, I promise.”

Nick hesitated. Then he leaned up and kissed him softly.

“We'll be careful,” he murmured. “First, we need to get you wet… We don’t have any lube on us, so… I want to make sure you don’t chaffe.”

“Chaffe?” Troy repeated.

“Yeah… it’s pretty hot and dry down there… and if we’re not careful, it could really irritate your dick.”

“Well- well what about you? I mean… won’t being dry hurt your… I mean?”

“Yeah, but I can take it… I’ve had it worse before.”

“Worse than a dry dick up your ass?”

“Trust me… the shit I used to do while I was high…” Nick murmured and shook his head. “I’ll be okay. Sit up, okay? I’ll slick you up…”

Troy gave Nick a confused look, but kicked his boxers off and sat back. Without a word, Nick dipped his head and took Troy’s whole cock into his mouth, slobbering wetly. Troy shook violently. 

“Nick! Whoa, whoa- Nick!”

Nick brought his head up, licking the excess saliva off his lips.

“What?”

“It felt so...I mean...It’s cold now,” Troy complained. 

“Don’t be a wuss,” Nick chuckled. “It’ll be warm soon. I’m almost done, I promise. I mean, unless you changed your mind?”

“No! No… keep going…”

Nick dipped his head back down and Troy shut his eyes tightly, rocking slightly and moaning. Nick’s lips slipped off of him with a wet _pop_. 

“All ready…” Nick said, laying back and sliding off his own pants and boxers, throwing them against the plain adobe wall.

“Nick…” Troy muttered. “You’re so… You’re so beautiful.”

“You gonna stare at it, or are you gonna make it cum?” Nick teased, barely concealing his need. 

Troy laughed and positioned himself outside Nick’s ass, using his left hand to steady Nick’s thigh and his right hand to guide himself in. He moved slowly, even though Nick’s hole seemed eager to suck him right in, so warm and inviting. Troy found himself freezing at every hitch of Nick’s breath. He watched Nick’s eyes squint and his face contort and half-way through Troy couldn’t take it anymore.

“Let’s stop-”

“Troy no!”

“You’re hurting, Nicky… I can’t do this if it hurts you.”

“I'm not made of glass," Nick teased. "I _like_ it, Troy… so full inside. We haven’t even gotten to the best part. Keep going, I’ll be okay, I promise.” 

Troy was skeptical, but Nick’s hand stretched up and touched his face. Nick’s eyes were so wide and pleading… He couldn’t say no. Slowly, he eased forward again, and this time he found almost no resistance. He was surprised when his balls pressed firmly against Nick’s cheeks.

“There,” Nick breathed. “See?”

Troy opened his mouth, but all that came out was a happy moan. They exchanged a smile. 

“This feels incredible…” 

“Wait until you start to move…”

“Can I…?”

“Wait for it…” Nick murmured, still adjusting to Troy’s size. He was bigger than Nick had imagined, but he wasn’t about to let Troy know that. After about a minute, Nick relaxed enough to open up more. “Go for it…”

Troy gave a tiny thrust, that made Nick laugh.

“You can do better than that.”

Troy grinned, bracing his legs for more leverage. Then he gave a hard thrust that made Nick’s eyes roll back slightly. Troy chuckled. 

“Better…?”

“Yeeeeees,” Nick moaned and dug his fingers into the sheets. 

Troy grinned and did it again, seeing Nick enjoy this was almost as good as feeling it himself, almost. It felt like his skin was a electric, everything tingled, outside and inside. Nick was moaning with reckless abandon, no regard for anyone hearing him any longer. And Troy was delighted when Nick pulled himself together enough to wrap his legs around his hips and push back. He wished it could last forever, but that feeling was bubbling up again, that tightness, the tingling. Nick was pushing back so erratically that Troy figured he must be getting to that point too. He bit his own lip, determined to make Nick cum first.

“Come on, Nicky… Cum for me… I love you so much,” Troy whispered, egging him on. 

Nick came with a violent shudder that shocked Troy into cumming too, deep inside of him. Troy fell onto Nick, holding him tight as they both wriggled and panted against each other. Troy was the first to laugh, a tiny puff of a sound, and Nick giggled right in his ear. In an instant, they descended into an inescapable laughing fit, glad just to be near each other once more. Then Nick’s laugh morphed into a sob, and Troy rubbed his back firmly.

“I’ve got you… I’m here, Nick. I’m right here… Let’s get some rest okay? We’ll talk about it in the morning.”

Nick nodded slowly, closing his eyes at long last.

**Author's Note:**

> Please sign:  
> https://www.change.org/p/amc-entertainment-bring-back-troy-otto


End file.
